It’s a Start.
The way things are going, I apparently can only write here in my blog once a month, as opposed to the weekly ramblings all the people who read this have grown accustomed to wasting their time with. What can I say? I’d like to think my lengthy rantings are a public service, so to those disappointed with the decreased dosage of the wonderfully mundane updates in my little life, I apologize.
My quest for Utopia continues, and as the first month of the year ends, it seems as if important elements of how the rest of my year goes have been established. Of course, things tend to take a sudden turn towards the unexpected, but for now, everything seems to be on stable ground.
The “J” Word. I have officially decided to not pursue a career in the back room. It was a risk that I took in order to not just take care of certain problems, but also to guarantee myself somewhat of a secure future. However, the risk was just not paying off, and too much time had gone into it. So, I left. Rather abruptly I might add, but in a manner that I thought was extremely appropriate.
I have a new job now, one that requires applicants to have a background both writing and teaching. The only way I could have been more suited for the position is if they added “hard drinker with delusions of grandeur” to the list of qualifications. Personally, I was unsure of whether or not I was good enough to be a Writing Consultant. Apparently, someone in the company thught that a guy who has written professionally for a porn site, a children’s magazine, a pet’s magazine, a religious group and the local government almost at the same time can indeed consult students with their writing queries. I’m going to have to see for myself. This shit is hard.
I am currently in training right now, so there is still a chance that I might not get it as a steady gig, but so far I’ve been liking how things are done in that place. It’s in Alabang, my schedule is as flexible as an Indian contortionist, and the work itself is something I could truly sink my teeth into without affecting my personal life. When on a quest for Utopia, having an ideal job is a big part in successfully finding it. So far, it looks ideal.
It didn’t really take me long to job hunt. Funny thing though, the choice was between this Writing Consultant position that I have right now, and a return to the company where I met the Angels. Hah. That particular boat was sinking even before I left, there’s no way I was coming back unless I had better options. Plus, that place led to a lot of emotional turmoil before I left. Going bacck would have been unhealthy. Right now, I’ll try to see how this consulting thing works out.
I’m still brooke of course. Getting kinda used to it.
Standing Up. This blatant lie about me actually being funny enough to perform stand up comedy that I have told to myself had some developments over the month as well. See, for months now I’ve been doing stand up as part of this comedy group’s open mic nights. They’ve decided to stop doing open mic nights. I was bummed. Very.
But apparently, they are going to do paid shows every week, and I’m ging to be a part of that. Yes, people are going to pay to hear my dick jokes. My debut, I was told, will be some time in February, and while I think it’s a little premature for me to go and do paid (sorta) stand up stints, I can’t fucking stop now. At least this way, I get to find out whether or not I have the skills to continue doing this and the laughs that I have been getting aren’t just polite chuckles from an audience getting a free show.
My ulcers act up everytime I think about the expectations.
People in the Haze. I heard news about a friend of mine who has gone on a wayward path as of late, and it was then that I discoovered that despite everyone’s best efforts and intentions, some people cannot be helped. We all make choices that we think are absolutely the right ones, and whether or not our judgment is clouded by external factors, we all need the strength to stand by those choices and withstand the consequences.
I can only shake my head now at the seemingly watsed potential, but then again, I’m not the one in my friend’s position. I was in a similar position a couple years back, and I have an idea as to how my friend my be seeing the world at the moment.
I wish my friend the best, only because that is all I can give.
Lovers and Madmen. I’ve also been somehow involved with another friend’s romantic issues while going through some of my own. I don’t want to go into great detail, but in both areas words were said that have had damaging effects to yours truly, and somehow both parties have expressed a desire to make up. While I take no great pleasure in knowing that we had to go through all of that, it has been somewhhat of an eye opener to each and everyone of us. As one relationship ends and another someone still managing to survive, all we have as individuals is hope.
I’m not really the hoping kind, myself.
Still, I had a few painful flashbacks during some of the more intense events that occured, and in both cases I needed to seek refuge. For the shit between me and my friend, there was an old bar that I used to frequent. For my own romantic woes, there was Alabang.
Life in Purgatory Goes On. I paid a visit to the people from Purgatory, the ones who were there during some of my most trying days. It overwhelmed me to know the developments and the changes. Most of them have been promoted to higher positions, and the male half of the formerly Lovely Couple is now leading his own band of misfit phone monkeys. He and I spent a couple of hours shooting the shit and talkinng about the old days, when everyone was going through their own version of a personal hell and all we could do was drown that away in early morning drinking and other unhelathy acts.
I have to say, with no offense meant to any of the other Spheres in my life, that I have never met a better class of people ever since I graduated college. Despite our differences we all seemingly were cut from the same cloth, waging silent wars on the inside and being loud and proud on the outside.
I’m glad as to how things turned out for many of them. I was also happy with how I was received when I walked down that street and turned that left to see some of my kindred spirits. It was a shame thaat our boss and my BFF were ot on hand, but since I’m calling Alabang my stomping grounds again, we never know.
Eerily familiar. New job, new opportunities with the stand up comedy, and possibly becoming a full time magazine writer (another story for another time) and songwriter (another long story) and of course the movies, I guess I have a lot of work to do this year. Professionally, I migght be in a good place. I’ll find ut for sure as time passes by.
Personally, things can be better, but I can see that I’m getting there. I’ve been bothered a lot by how certaiin relationships of mine have been going, especially since a couple of times over the month wherein I was in that rare position of being the one in need of some superheroic rescuing, but no one showed. It’s either I chose the wrong people to call to arms, or I’m just unlucky like that. Either way, I need people to step up. Things are going on that I can’t handle alone, but I might have to if all indications seem accurate.
I’ll also be moving to my own place again soon, as both the purpose of me moving back in with my mother and my tolerance for certain kinds of domestic bullshit have both become non-existent all of a sudden. People from my past are showing up again. I’m finally once again being able to live by my own personal code, the same code that I have been bending since late last year. Here I am, no longer compromising once more.
I haven’t had exclusively good days all month, but I have yet to have a truly bad day, as each eday and each hassle seemed to have served a purpose the had positive results. 28 days down, 337 non-bad days to go. I’m going for a personal record here.
“But I can hear you louder than ever
Whisper to me, help me remember I can't see you but we're still together I can hear you louder than ever" - Cold War Kids, "Louder than Ever"
